Breaking A Habit Tonight

Hammer, my beloved bad dog, has received a death threat. It was anonymous and sent to the wrong address. Thankfully the neighbors who received the letter immediately recognized it was MY dog being referenced in the letter. I think they figured this out because their dogs don't ever get out and my dog has a bad reputation as a neighborhood gangsta. They called to let me know we may have a loose cannon in the 'hood. I know what you were thinking, "not in the redneck state," but boy did you think wrong.

The letter claimed to have maced Hams. It was unsigned, because tough people almost never sign their letters. It said things like fu***ing dog, mother fu**er, etc. But then asked that Hammer's owner be respectful. I think language like that is ALWAYS conducive to respectfulness.

Prior to hearing from the neighbor about that nasty little death threat, I had gone to Petsmart to sign Ham's up for some be nice classes. While there, my car door, which I always hook with my foot to keep it from blowing open, scraped right over my foot and hit the car next to me. A Mercedes of course. My car door would NEVER stoop to hitting a Geo Metro. Damaged my car too. Because in Oklahoma, the wind comes sweeping down the stupid plains, remember? So the insurance company informed me that the claim may not be paid because wind is an act of God.

Now my son is refusing to go to sleep and is instead banging on the wall. Between the Hammer issues, the act of God and the banging....... Why I oughta.....